Not too long ago my friend and I decided to take a trip to the mall. We were poking in and out of stores. We walked out of one of the stores and started walking. As we passed the escalator we heard something. A dad with twin boys. They must have been three or four years old. He was holding both their hands. One of the boys were just simply looking around as they were coming up the escalator, as the other boy was screaming crying, pulling down on his dad’s hand. They got off the escalator and the dad dragged the crying boy over to the side of the walkway. He pushed the boy down on the floor. He was yelling at him to stop crying with a very stern look on his face. My friend and I stopped to watch because we knew this shouldn’t be happening. The next thing we know we’re talking to the dad asking if he needed help or anything. He said, “No he’s fine he’s just bleeding.” We said we could help the little boy but the dad refused. We walked away, continuing to watch. I was thinking to myself.. This guy is should not have kids. The dad continued to be rough with his crying child.
My friend and I walked into the nearest store and reported it to the workers. I kept on an eye out on the twin boys while my friend reported the guy to the security guard on the phone. The boy continued to cry as the dad sat there being mean to the twin boys. The next thing I know he slapped the boy that wasn’t crying across the top of the head and he started crying.
The people who were working in the store noticed the dad’s cruel behavior to the young boys as well. This wasn’t a case for a mall security guard. The cops should have been called and the father should have been reported. I know everyone’s parenting skills are different, but there was no justification for the actions of the twin’s dad against his young boys. The situation could have been handled differently. It’s not even like the young boys were misbehaving. And it’s also sad that no one else walked up to the dad and told him the behavior he was displaying towards his children was wrong. No child deserves that. How could people do that?
Intervening when you see a parent disciplining a child in public is always difficult, because you do not know the backstory. What happened a minute ago, an hour ago, yesterday. What special behavioral issues the child might have which require different parenting strategies. It's going to be especially difficult for you, as a woman, to confront a father.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, yelling at a child in pain (because he was bleeding) to stopy crying... is not the best strategy under any circumstances.
But given that, here's what you could have done differently:
"We walked away, continuing to watch."
Next time, do not walk away. Take a step or two back and look sympathetic. Do not say anything further after your assistance was rejected. Do not interfere with how the parent interacts, but make sure the parent is quite aware that you are witnessing.
Would the father have struck his son if you had done this? Maybe yes, maybe no. It's a tossup and depends on his nature as to whether he would have been enraged at your presence, or whether he would have been less likely to lash out with you there.
There are more advanced techiques that can be done by someone who is older (and thus presumably more experienced) than the parent acting badly. A "certified mom" can ignore the father's refusal of help and just swoop in and start mothering the crying boy. I've played the role of "certified dad" by siccing my kids on the crying boy, and having a "guy talk" with the father about not losing your temper with your kids. Because they're smaller than you. Not cool, dude.
What would I have done in the dad's shoes? If the wound is serious, you treat it by going to the mall first aid station. If the wound is not serious and the child is acting out, you give them a verbal warning and, if that does not get their attention, a time out. (At the mall, this would involve interrupting the trip and making them sit in the car.)
Thank you for your comment. The behavior of the dad caught attention of many people at the mall and resulted in him getting several glares and strange looks. The behavior of the dad was taken too far. The young boy was bleeding. The dad could have handled it differently. He looked too angry to be handling the particular situation of his son crying.
ReplyDeleteThis is shocking to me that someone would actually do this to their child in public. I wish I could say that it is shocking that someone would do this in general, but we never know what happens behind closed doors. I think you handled it in a good way, because my first reaction would to be go in and comfort the child, but I know this would be overstepping boundaries.I agree with what you did when you told the workers, and think that they should have done something more to stop what was happening. Did you see what happened in the end, like when the mall security came?
ReplyDeleteThe dad roughly grabbed his crying son and sped walked through the mall. His wife showed up and carried the other son, trying to keep up with her husband and other son. We are unsure if anything ever came of the security gaurd but my friend and I walked around to see if we could spot them. We hope the security gaurd addressed the father and his inappropriate behavior towards his son.
ReplyDelete