Manners Are Learned - Or Are They?

So frequently we witness people incapable of using their manners. It used to really upset me; every time I provided a service for someone and they just walk away without saying anything, I would find myself clenching my fists, and grinding my teeth, just waiting for them to come back so I could offer them a piece of my mind. Now, I sometimes get mad but I mostly just get sad for that person. I was not raised in a traditional, perfect household. There was fighting. There were swears, and sometimes tears. However, one thing my parents never had to worry about was the manners of my brother and I. Maybe it was a combination of our parents instilling certain values and the education we received. Maybe it was just instilled in when we were born. Either way, it cannot be denied that some people have manners, and some do not. What is interesting is that some of the people who do not have manners are considered to be "role models", and the ones who should be "learning" manners from the role models are actually the ones who are the most polite of all. 

I reached my "point of no return" the other day when a couple came up to the Security Desk I work at in one of the residence halls on campus. Not only did the couple not have proper identification, but they were consistently rude and hostile towards me. I informed them that they would not be able to enter the residence hall with their daughter without identification, and the man rudely informed me that his identification was in the car, while his wife's was at home, over forty miles away. 

As a Resident Assistant at FSU, we have a no exceptions rule when it comes to security. The reason so many send their sons and daughters here is because we provide a safe environment that ensures security and rapid response to emergencies. I informed the family that their daughter, who is a resident of the building, could run the items up to her room but the parents had to stay downstairs because they did not have proper identification. It wasn't that I wanted to deny them access, it's that I could be fired if I didn't comply with FSU policy. Or at least that's what I told them. Frankly, at this point I was not budging no matter what policy called for. The parents responded by walking past the security desk, dragging their daughter along, and blatantly ignoring my attempts to make them stop.

What shocked me most was not that the parents did this, but the manners their daughter displayed. During this confrontation, she was silent, so obviously embarrassed of the deplorable behavior of her parents. What happened here? How was she so pleasant and apologetic to me after her parents left, while her parents were on the brink of shouting profanities at me? 

I know that sometimes we lose sight of our manners. I'd be lying if I said I have never forgotten to thank someone when they held the door for me while I was distressed or distracted. However, this did not appear to be a lapse of judgment or a temporary slip. I guess what I'm truly wondering is that if manners are learned, how do you explain the children who are products of a (seemingly) nasty environment, yet have nothing but kindness to offer? Manners confuse me, because there are so many who do not display them but were raised to be nothing but respectful. On the other hand, there are others who were raised to be nasty and rude but end up to be polite and decent human beings. What gives here?